Today marks five weeks. With the help of an early pregnancy test, I was fortunate enough to discover my pregnancy the day before I expected to start my period. In reality, I did not realize that finding out so early would just make me into a bigger worrier than I already am. The biggest irony– I wrote a novel that begins with a miscarriage.
While I have never lost a pregnancy (to my knowledge), it feels like half the people in my life have. So, this first week of being knowingly pregnant has been a big effort to reassure myself everything will be fine. Any time I have a negative thought, I close my eyes and tell the baby he or she is welcome, wanted, loved. I know the outcome is beyond my control, but I really want this pregnancy to work.
It’s funny, too. I always thought I’d keep it a big secret until it was safe to share, but I’m realizing that if the worst happens, I will want some people in my life to be around as my support. Likewise, it feels like added strength to have a group of people rooting for us. So, I’m not telling everyone, by any means, but we already have a little circle of support and excitement. This blog will hopefully be an extension of that, somewhere I can process my feelings, both good and otherwise.
As far as symptoms, I am fascinated by every little change I experience. I feel pregnant and it’s not just in my head. In fact, that’s how I knew it was alright to take a test so early. I was weepy and queasy and felt different. I really can’t complain though, other than the urge to sleep a few extra hours a day, (which so far has worked because I’m on summer vacation from my job as a teacher), there is not a lot of discomfort. If I don’t eat, I get a little queasy, and if I don’t rest, I get a little irritable, but that’s pretty much it, other than a sense of fullness in my abdomen.
Such an extremely exciting and scary and wonderful time. At the moment, I feel blessed– I hope you will join me with your stories, encouragement, and presence.
Leap of Mama 
Congratulations, again. I’m really glad that you’re sharing your news early. I had an early miscarriage last year and I was very open about it, for a few reasons. It’s nice to have the support of friends and family, but being open also lets other women know that pregnancy loss is (painfully) common and that there is nothing wrong with you if it does happen.
I didn’t write that to scare you but just to say that your openness is appreciated. I hope all goes well for you.
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Don’t worry– you didn’t scare me in the least. I’ve heard similar stories from a lot of women in my life. I agree, openness helps garner support from loved ones, as well as help other women feel less alone. I know whatever the outcome for me, I will need a space to express myself through writing. Thanks for the honesty and helpful advice.
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