Today marks five weeks. With the help of an early pregnancy test, I was fortunate enough to discover my pregnancy the day before I expected to start my period. In reality, I did not realize that finding out so early would just make me into a bigger worrier than I already am. The biggest irony– I wrote a novel that begins with a miscarriage.
While I have never lost a pregnancy (to my knowledge), it feels like half the people in my life have. So, this first week of being knowingly pregnant has been a big effort to reassure myself everything will be fine. Any time I have a negative thought, I close my eyes and tell the baby he or she is welcome, wanted, loved. I know the outcome is beyond my control, but I really want this pregnancy to work.
It’s funny, too. I always thought I’d keep it a big secret until it was safe to share, but I’m realizing that if the worst happens, I will want some people in my life to be around as my support. Likewise, it feels like added strength to have a group of people rooting for us. So, I’m not telling everyone, by any means, but we already have a little circle of support and excitement. This blog will hopefully be an extension of that, somewhere I can process my feelings, both good and otherwise.
As far as symptoms, I am fascinated by every little change I experience. I feel pregnant and it’s not just in my head. In fact, that’s how I knew it was alright to take a test so early. I was weepy and queasy and felt different. I really can’t complain though, other than the urge to sleep a few extra hours a day, (which so far has worked because I’m on summer vacation from my job as a teacher), there is not a lot of discomfort. If I don’t eat, I get a little queasy, and if I don’t rest, I get a little irritable, but that’s pretty much it, other than a sense of fullness in my abdomen.
Such an extremely exciting and scary and wonderful time. At the moment, I feel blessed– I hope you will join me with your stories, encouragement, and presence.