Today is exactly four weeks from our due date. According to the hospital, this means we can expect our sweet baby in anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks. Apparently due dates are not very accurate. All this means is whoa, this is really happening!
Yesterday was my last day of work before maternity leave. As I stood and watched two of my coworkers have a dance off to “What Does the Fox Say” in front of the entire school, it hit me that my life is about to change and I am going to miss my work more than I realized. There are things about my job I absolutely love, like the spontaneity and joy manifested by my coworkers, adult and child alike.
Choreographed dance numbers just happen to top my list.
Students who normally show me little affection hugged me yesterday. I ended my afternoon with sweet applause from twenty-nine little sets of hands. My class submitted hundreds of baby names to my back table. My team of teachers decorated the staff room, made the baby personalized onesies, and presented an elaborate table of treats. Gifts appeared on my desk all day.
Every time I said good-bye and got a sad look from a child, I reminded him or her I would be back, a strangely reassuring statement for myself, too. While I am planning to return to work, I also know the future is unpredictable. The coming months will bring a lot of choices. These last few weeks of teaching have been extra hard. I am hopeful my patience is hiding somewhere underneath the aches and hormones of pregnancy.
After all, teaching has become part of my identity over the last four years. Then again, my identity is about to change, and underneath all the layers is also a desire to write, to teach yoga, to… As these thoughts surface, I have to quiet them. Now is not about June or even September. Now is about now, a funny thought given all the hubbub about living in the present. Shouldn’t now always be about the present? Somehow my impending transformation makes this concept more real than ever before.
For me, the coming weeks mean crawling back into the quiet of my mind and finding those spaces of calm so that I can use them both in labor and those first few weeks of parenting. I have everything I need today, a thought that has brought me peace on many occasions in the last few months. Contentment in the moment, how novel. Now if only I can make it last…
7 thoughts on “36 Weeks: Now is About Now”
Awesome! Best of luck to you in the coming weeks, Olivia.
Thank you, I am definitely gearing up for an adventure 😉
This is such an incredible post about so many of the things that becoming a new parent brings out. All of the excitement of your students and your co-workers — just such an amazing reminder of this incredible and beautiful thing you are about to do and experience. And the recognition that this will change your life in ways you don’t even recognize yet. So, you try to focus on the now and let the later take care of itself when its time has come.
Thank you for writing and sharing this today because it is such a beautiful statement of the love and support of all those around you that comes with bringing a baby into the world. There is this thing that comes with every baby born — a hope and a love and a dream. You’ve expressed that here in a way that wasn’t direct, which makes it all the better.
Thank you for reinforcing what I am feeling. I have been in such awe of all the support around me, it is hard to capture. Really, there are so many things I am feeling and thinking about, words don’t feel cohesive enough to capture it all, but I am definitely excited! 🙂
Woohoo! So excited for you, though I understand the apprehension and missing your work.
Thanks Kitt! 🙂
I can’t wait to share in the joy of my first grand baby. To share in watch as you fumble though parenting as we all do. My smile is plastered on my face. I love you all so very much/