Attachment Parenting, Balance, Work

Month Ten: (Beautiful) Incoherence.

Her sweet smiles, laughter, and wonder for everything around her make the hard parts more than worth it.
Her sweet smiles, laughter, and wonder for everything around her make the hard parts worthwhile. Thankfully.

Up until now, each month has had a theme, some coherent thread to tie my post together. Month ten is the opposite. The only theme I could come up with is incoherence. Maybe it is the sleep deprivation talking.

Before the holidays we made real progress. We read a couple books, committed to a routine, and suddenly E was asleep by 7 or 8 in her own room, leaving me 4+ hours to burn in the evenings before forcing myself to go to bed. I was like a little kid. I did not want to sleep because it was more fun to stay awake.

Hey, I guess I was kind of like E is now.

Then the holidays and travel hit and suddenly E was working on four (maybe more) new teeth and our routine vanished. Add in a dose of toddler-like determination to practice her new standing skills in the middle of the night and it is now impossible to put her to sleep before midnight.

I’m serious about this toddler thing, too. I’m pretty sure E thinks she’s two years old already. Just putting a shirt over her head requires the patience and will power of a highly evolved being. Sometimes I’m there, sometimes I have to take a little break and let her shriek before regaining enough calm to maneuver her flailing arms through the holes. Forget those moments when she remembers how to take the shirt right back off.

I try to remind myself she has her own spirit and should be honored for her individual desires, but on a chilly winter’s night wearing a long-sleeved shirt to bed is non-negotiable. Going to sleep at a decent hour should be too, but I am at a loss on how to make that happen.

In my desperation for sleep I have returned the Pack N Play next to my side of the bed, made it up with comfy baby-safe bedding, and plopped E in there a couple times just so I can momentarily let my tired eyes shut without fear of being stomped over on the way to her next adventure, (believe it or not the stomping is actually starting to hurt!).

While fussing it out might be alright, she is instantaneously transformed into a screaming, gagging, nearly-vomitous wreck when left alone in the playpen. I just can’t do it. Last night Alex rescued her from my eyes-half-open watch and allowed me to slip into a shallow sleep as they headed downstairs to wait out her need to stand up repeatedly until a little past midnight.

The good news, she woke less during the night last night, is napping right now, and is still pleasant company as long as you don’t try to change her diaper, put a shirt on her, or wash her face. More than one person told me it would really get crazy when she started to move, but I had no idea. Suddenly my house is a mess as I chase her every which way. She is up the stairs in 20 seconds flat, (yes, a gate is on the way). The water bowl for the dogs is her favorite play space. She. Is. Everywhere. And, fast.

Month ten has been wild. The pace of our lives has picked back up to full speed. Where once I worried staying home would eventually drag out to the point of boredom, we now leave the house almost daily and cannot keep up with the list of things to accomplish. I have also settled into a content gratitude in all the disorder. Such a blessing to experience this beautiful incoherence from home.

3 thoughts on “Month Ten: (Beautiful) Incoherence.”

  1. All I can do is this …. 🙂
    But, wait, maybe there’s more. This is exactly what I refer to as parenting being the most frustrating, exhausting difficult thing you will ever experience, while also being the most rewarding. I’m willing to bet that every day she offers you something, or many somethings, that make it worth it. Hold on to those somethings. They’re priceless and help get you through what you are dealing with. And, just remember, just as those blessed few weeks of peaceful nights were only temporary. So, is this stage.

    “She. Is. Everywhere. And, fast.” Love this.


    1. Yes, thank you for the reminder that it is a stage– I have to keep telling myself that! Tonight she’s fitfully asleep a little early… Fingers crossed it lasts and that it’s not another one of her mysterious late evening naps… Funny how the stages can be so challenging but also so wonderful. She is developing an actual sense of humor. She tells me jokes and then cracks herself up. I love it. The trade-offs are definitely worth it, even if I could a long nap and some time to write.


Join the Discussion!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s