I find myself clinging to moments. Her tiny body curled up against mine, her little smile greeting me in the glow of our nightlight. Our stolen time together, our time alone. Glimpses of the laughter to come when her kitty toy grazes her face. The way her eyes light up and her head turns to listen to her sister talk across the room. She’s a relaxed, happy baby.
Parents often lament the passage of time. My feelings are nothing new, but there’s an extra sting to the days flying by when you know you’re holding your last baby. Sure life could surprise us, but I’m fairly certain this is it. Beautiful and fleeting. Only a newborn for a few more weeks.
I worried a little about our bonding in the beginning. Not because there wasn’t love, but because it didn’t feel as earth-shattering as I expected. Now the worry is gone. We just needed time to melt together, to know each other better, to find our rhythm. I dreamed I lost her the other night, and the pain was unbearably sharp but also reassuring in its rawness.
Two months have passed and I’m not sure where they went. They just disappeared. So now I’m holding on even tighter.
6 thoughts on “Month Two: Holding On Tight”
So beautifully written, Liv…time really is flying, isn’t it? Can’t wait to meet her ❤
Thanks, Tanya! Time is flying, we miss you!! ❤
So many thoughts go through my head when I read your posts. I don’t even know where to begin or end with this one.
I rarely remember my dreams, but I know that I’ve had a few in the last year or so, dreams about my kids, that have left me as I wake up with tears in my eyes. Those may never end. And maybe that’s not a bad thing.
I’d rather feel these things than not.
I’ll stop rambling now and just remind you we’re supposed to have lunch again some day. 😉
Yes, lunch someday! It will happen… just give me a couple more months. We’re moving and I’m also a little short of help with the kiddos at the moment, so life is busier than ever. I don’t expect it to ever stop, but at least after we move things should hopefully be easier…
I think I should quit my job and offer myself as a kid-sitter for you. 😉
We’ll get that lunch after you move.
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Wow. I continue to be amazed at your deeply involving writing.
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