Tag Archives: Letting go of fear

Our Baby is Already Real

As I slammed on the brakes, eyes fixed on the rearview mirror hoping the car speeding up behind me would stop in time, I uttered these words aloud:

“White light surrounds and protects us.

That last word caught me by surprise. For years I have repeated, “White light surrounds and protects me,” any time I have sensed danger, a left over relic of my childhood. However, when I said us today, without even thinking about it, I realized this baby is already real to me, in very much the same way she has been real all week in my dreams, her infant body pressed against my bare skin.

And, yes, in the dreams she is a girl, although I’m trying not to take that too seriously in hopes of not giving my potential son a complex…

But, back to the point of this rambling. At even a sesame seed-sized promise, our baby is already real to me, even as I wait on bated breath for more weeks to pass before allowing myself to become too attached, whatever that means. All life deserves care, nurturing, and love, whether it lasts a century or mere weeks. Today it hit me that attachment is okay, good even.

Of course, I’m hoping for the century.

Scaring Pregnant Women: A National Pastime

Was so grateful to come across this post today as I work to step outside my fear and worry!

Bike, Banjo & Baby

When I was pregnant with C, plenty of people issued dire warnings from the other side (of parenthood). I’ve mentioned them here before, but I was regularly told that my life would never be the same again (and this was always said in an ominous tone of voice). I was warned that I would never have time to read or even to take a shower. This all turned out to be complete nonsense. Although I was very sleep-deprived for the first three months of C’s life, no amount of “enjoying my sleep” while I was pregnant could have helped me to avoid it. People who tell pregnant women to “sleep now!” seem to think that sleep is something you can stockpile, like a squirrel hoarding nuts for winter. It just doesn’t work that way, folks.

So you would think, having been through this once before, that I would be immune…

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