Balance, Hopes, Pregnancy

Writing While Pregnant

One of my biggest fears about motherhood was I would lose my writing identity. Sure, I follow plenty of women writers who find ways to make it work, but I also heard story after story of how motherhood changes you. No time, little rest, more important priorities.

While true motherhood is at least a few months away, I already feel these shifts I dreaded, as writing has taken a backseat to other activities, such as napping, cleaning, preparing, resting some more. What I did not expect, however, is a calm to come with these changes. Instead of lamenting my lost writing time, I feel more present, still, and content. Time has already gained a sort of elastic quality, where less occurs in more time, as though the minutes are stretched, the actions slowed, hours somehow disappearing with little done.

Other things have fallen by the wayside, too. Yoga now means a few minutes of stretching and breathing at various points in the day, instead of my before-treasured blocks of hours. Again, there is a peace in this. Instead of panicking over a loss in identity, I feel a reassurance that these pieces of myself will return in time, or perhaps just exist in more fragmented but highly-treasured moments.

I realized recently, I write to escape and create a space of contentment. With pregnancy, my urge to escape has diminished, my ability to be content in simple moments has improved. Likewise, my thoughts I used to share so freely suddenly feel much more private, more difficult to share. Even so, I love that feeling of progress, as pages of writing become clean and stronger, blog posts emerge out of thin air, and connections are made across this electronic universe. Today I write to say I am still here, just a little quieter than before.

For those of you haven't hear already, we're excited to welcome a little (human) girl to our family this March.
For those of you haven’t heard, we’re excited to welcome a little (human) girl to our family this March.

Scaring Pregnant Women: A National Pastime

Was so grateful to come across this post today as I work to step outside my fear and worry!

Bike, Banjo & Baby

When I was pregnant with C, plenty of people issued dire warnings from the other side (of parenthood). I’ve mentioned them here before, but I was regularly told that my life would never be the same again (and this was always said in an ominous tone of voice). I was warned that I would never have time to read or even to take a shower. This all turned out to be complete nonsense. Although I was very sleep-deprived for the first three months of C’s life, no amount of “enjoying my sleep” while I was pregnant could have helped me to avoid it. People who tell pregnant women to “sleep now!” seem to think that sleep is something you can stockpile, like a squirrel hoarding nuts for winter. It just doesn’t work that way, folks.

So you would think, having been through this once before, that I would be immune…

View original post 285 more words


Five Weeks: The Beginning

Today marks five weeks. With the help of an early pregnancy test, I was fortunate enough to discover my pregnancy the day before I expected to start my period. In reality, I did not realize that finding out so early would just make me into a bigger worrier than I already am. The biggest irony– I wrote a novel that begins with a miscarriage.

While I have never lost a pregnancy (to my knowledge), it feels like half the people in my life have. So, this first week of being knowingly pregnant has been a big effort to reassure myself everything will be fine. Any time I have a negative thought, I close my eyes and tell the baby he or she is welcome, wanted, loved. I know the outcome is beyond my control, but I really want this pregnancy to work.

It’s funny, too. I always thought I’d keep it a big secret until it was safe to share, but I’m realizing that if the worst happens, I will want some people in my life to be around as my support. Likewise, it feels like added strength to have a group of people rooting for us. So, I’m not telling everyone, by any means, but we already have a little circle of support and excitement. This blog will hopefully be an extension of that, somewhere I can process my feelings, both good and otherwise.

As far as symptoms, I am fascinated by every little change I experience. I feel pregnant and it’s not just in my head. In fact, that’s how I knew it was alright to take a test so early. I was weepy and queasy and felt different. I really can’t complain though, other than the urge to sleep a few extra hours a day, (which so far has worked because I’m on summer vacation from my job as a teacher), there is not a lot of discomfort. If I don’t eat, I get a little queasy, and if I don’t rest, I get a little irritable, but that’s pretty much it, other than a sense of fullness in my abdomen.

Such an extremely exciting and scary and wonderful time. At the moment, I feel blessed– I hope you will join me with your stories, encouragement, and presence.

Baby Fever, Pregnancy

Offbeat Families Post: Baby Fever!

It is only fitting my last post was about vulnerability, because today I am excited to share a post I wrote for a much bigger blog than my own, Offbeat Families. The coolest part about writing this post was hearing from others that I am definitely not alone in my overwhelming desire for children. The least cool part is admitting my obsession.

However, I am happy to report the fever has diminished a bit since I wrote this piece a few weeks ago. I don’t know what happens to our brains as women. It seems to be getting worse and worse each year… Babies, babies, babies.

Even pictures of myself as a baby make me want a baby. That's sickness.
I find it mildly disturbing that even pictures of myself as a baby make me want to be a mom. It’s a sickness. 😉