After Eloise fell asleep last night, I started this post about surrendering to our children. Appropriately, she woke up again before I had time to write anything other than the following quotes about new parenthood:
“I no longer know where you begin and I end. Days and nights blend into a haze of brilliance and fatigue. I am elastic, rubber, and wax. I bend to your will with no resistance, no boundary, transparent like glass. Even when you aren’t with me, I am with you, imagining you. There is no moment in which I exist separate of you.”
“The transition to parenthood is complex, requiring us to surrender to an irrevocable loss of our identity as we have thus far known it. To create the internal space required to embrace the tending of a new spirit, the pillars of our old lifestyle have to crumble. Who we were before becoming a parent doesn’t and cannot exist with the same ferocity. Once children enter our life, their impact is indelible and we are required to reinvent ourselves in response.”
-Dr. Shefali Tsabary, The Conscious Parent
Maybe it is better this way, just to leave some words to digest. I feel myself both surrendering and reinventing on a daily basis. I always worried about losing myself in the process of becoming a parent. Instead, I feel I have found myself, but I have to be patient for those moments that are my own. Admittedly, I fight this loss of control. Leaving unfinished tasks drives me crazy, but the feeling of surrender is also beautiful.
It is a hard lesson to learn, especially after night upon night of hours spent lying in bed just to keep her asleep. Thank goodness for the glowing words of Dr. Shefali Tsabary on my Kindle. If you haven’t read The Conscious Parent, I highly recommend it.
If you are a parent, what kind of reinvention have you undergone? Have you surrendered? If so, what are your secrets?
If you aren’t a parent, what other parts of your life have forced you to surrender and reinvent?